Stupid Fears

They suck.Two of my big ones are pretty common: Public speaking and spiders.Public Speaking. I have no problems talking to people. I'm not usually shy. I can (and often do) strike up conversations with random people on the street. Small groups of 3-4 people, no problem. Anything larger than that I'm gone. My armpits start to sweat, my hands literally shake, my voice quavers. What's up with that? I tried taking a speech class last year. You know, face your fear and you will overcome it and all that. Bullshit. Worst semester of my life. I was so stressed out, it was awful. I made it through(with an A thank you very much), but did it help me overcome my fear? Nope. I had to give a presentation on Walt Whitman last Friday for school. Stomach clenching, nauseous, and sweaty I did my presentation. And it was awful.

Spiders. I'm not even afraid they're going to bite me. I just can't stand the thought of them crawling on me. brrrr! I just got goosebumps all over. It's the legs. Small or large it doesn't make a difference to me. Hairy, smooth, giant banana spiders as big as my hand or harmless daddy long legs, I can't stand them. I will freak out if one is near me.

Story: While driving with some friends a few months ago I had an encounter. I was sitting in the backseat of the car with a boy I hardly knew when I look up and see next to this boys head a spider. I swear he was as big as my palm(other accounts of this story differ on the size of the spider). I, of course, let the boy know there was a spider by his head in a very calm and rational manner. It went something like this: high pitched squeal followed by "spider, spider, spider" in a pitch I'm sure only dogs could hear. He knocks it down. INTO THE CAR! Idiot. We can't find it so I try to forget about it. About 10 minutes later I start to roll down my window and I look up to find myself staring into the beady eyes of the spider. Next thing I know I have propelled myself into the boys lap. Screaming. Someone opens the door and I swear I literally flew out of the car. After jumping around for about ten minutes banging non-existent spiders out of my clothes and hair I felt a little bit better, though still jittery.So freaking irrational. I have more. Like the time I made my dad drive ten minutes to kill a spider that was in my car. It's embarrassing but what can you do? And don't tell me to suck it up. If it was heights, or claustrophobia would you tell me to suck it up? I was walking at school the other day and saw a giant rat run across the sidewalk in front of me. I was suprised, but thought woah cool a rat! A girl next to me started screaming and jumping around. RAT RAT! followed by high pitched squeals. I felt her pain.